Garden of Hope

The snow is falling outside in big, beautiful flakes, but I’m warm inside dreaming about my garden. A garden which may or may not exist yet, but which I am determined to find or create.

My family is still in transition. After traveling for two years, we moved to the beautiful community of Homer, Alaska last fall and rented a wonderful home that is used as an Air B&B in the summer. In spring we were hoping we would be ready to buy a place but it doesn’t look like we will be able to, so we will have to find another rental. Matt has been sick and hasn’t been able to work. At times the future has looked really bleak and I wasn’t sure if we could stay here, or how we were going to make it. It was a dark and difficult winter.

I am struck by how difficult it is to plan ahead when you don’t know where you will be. Thinking ahead even to May is really a stretch for me right now. I have a much deeper understanding and empathy for people whose lives are constantly in chaos and survival mode. How can you plan for such an uncertain future? How can you plant seeds of change within yourself or in a garden?

Matt is doing better now and things are starting to look brighter. I am realizing that I have learned so much through this hard time. I have been forced to release parts of me which were no longer serving me, and stretch and grow in other ways.

Yesterday I started some seeds with Graysen and Rylan. I don’t know where I’ll plant these onions and herbs when they are ready to go outside, but it is time to start them and I feel I must. I need to believe that we will find a place to garden. I need to believe that things will turn out OK. I need to believe in spring and new growth.

Things don’t have to be perfect to start moving forward. Life is never perfect, but we can start taking steps deliberately in the direction we want to go instead of running scared every which way. We can put hope in the tiniest seed, plant it, nurture it, and expect miracles.

 

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